will my child hate me for divorce

Children may experience strong feelings about their parents' divorce, such as anger, sadness, grief, and resentment. We've grown distant in the past couple of years, and right now things are not looking good. He thinks that I was the one that caused all the agruments with his dad. Separation and divorce can increase the complexity so early intervention is important. Kids will isolate emotionally and physically, spending more time in their rooms or out of the house. I recently had an affair and have asked for a divorce. At the beginning of the divorce, Cathy suspected that her then-husband was trying to turn her one and only child against her. actually i am in this situation.my wife wants to leave me for another guy, because he is not as boring… i got all caught up in work/school/kids… i never gave her nearly enough attention or anything that she needed… she hates me for the many things i have done to hurt her and the lack of things i have not done to change… and now that she . If, however, your divorce is uncontested, then you may be able to perform several parts of it on your own (or pro se which is a Latin term that means "for yourself"). But this doesn't mean you have to handle the problem alone. The parent must be primary, or things get askew. Myth 2: Children of Divorce Do Better When Holidays Are Split in Half. Said I took the one thing away from her father that meant anything . 1. When you are dealing with an alienated child, all normal parenting goes right out the window. Teach Coping Skills . If your DH my step daughter hates me reddit. We married when my son was three. I also was cautious about trusting others because I knew they could leave me. His dad was a alcoholic and had a serious drinking problem and I did yell at him often. Likewise, some kids will develop behavioral issues that seem unrelated to the divorce or your new partner, but are a way for your child to express their frustrations, pain, and anger. Stepparents come into our stepkids' lives with the best of intentions. We have 2 kids, under 5. Having a baby during your divorce complicates a lot of things, and could even hinder your right to divorce. As young adults, you may think we can handle . When Your Child Takes Your Ex-Spouse's Side Dear Sugar Radio is a podcast offering "radical empathy" and advice for the lost, lonely and heartsick. As Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll writes in her book, "Putting Children First," children of all ages, even adult children, yearn for their feelings and needs to be the focus of their . Unfortunately you are quite correct about how the parents hate one another more than they love their children. However, if your children sense you don't like their new stepparent, they'll feel divided and take your side, deciding they don't too like their stepparent. 3. The good news is that if a child rejects one parent there are many things willing parents can do to help a child adapt positively to the changes of divorce. 2. the constant contact from the favored parent. While objectively these slights are hardly tantamount to child abuse, they were very hurtful to her and there's no reason to think she wouldn't have remembered them if not for the divorce. Your child might not believe you, but at least they are getting the opportunity to hear your side of the story - a story which might seem more reasonable to them as they mature and develop . These feelings may be directed at one or both parents. He is the author of many family law books, including Divorce: Protect Yourself, Your Kids and Your Future, The GA Library of Family Law Forms, and How to Mediate a Divorce.He is an adjunct professor of Family Law Litigation at Emory Law School. This is generally acknowledged as traumatizing at worst and superfluous at best. But . This book will give you hope for your future, and optimism about your children. But the problem is that in splitting holidays down the middle, kids and parents are all given the short end . I will address both issues separately. 8 Things Adult Children of Divorce Desperately Want You to Know. 3 For instance, they may start struggling in school, fighting with their siblings, or being destructive in some way. Begin by reassuring your child that they are still your top priority. I waited. Teach your child how to manage his thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in a healthy way. Kids with active coping strategies, like problem-solving skills and cognitive restructuring skills, adapt better to divorce. I had terrible parents. We often talked this way — me outlining a plan and him surfing the internet. The irony of your post-divorce life is that you want to have the best relationship possible with your child's other parent. Be my daughter hates me and hate watching me! My husband's daughter doesn't want me at her wedding. They can have guilt at times when they aren't with the other parent, as they are worrying and wondering if the alone parent is okay. Since I am a child of a divorce (back when I was thirteen), and since my father was the one who wanted the divorce and left my mother for a younger woman, I can completely agree that I had resentment in my heart for someone who broke up my family. - Divorce Advice Parental divorce affects children's' future relationships. I want the divorce, but I am not sure if it is the right decision. After all, we're older now, and those days of hands-on parenting are long gone. Let's take dance lessons, or volunteer, or something else together, just you and me. Our daughter is a teen and our son is a few years younger. Her children's rude behavior towards her and her property and. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more about what to do when a child refuses visitation. 2: 8496: 20: 29: does: 0. Parent-child relationships are complex even without divorce. But, sometimes both parents aren't willing. I have seen this numerous times in my life, to the point that I am compelled to . There is a wide variety of possible reasons but typically a child will hate the parent they blame for the divorce. It wasn't the affair. 1. As the child of divorce, I can tell you with certainty that no matter what my parents will ever tell you, the truth is their conduct SHOWED me that they hated each other so much, it trumped everything they ever tried to do for their kids. Find out why She Hates her Father after the Divorce . If it were him, I would be in the hospital. In Chicago, Illinois, parents, children and the court system in general are loathe to involve children to the point where children have to provide testimony. This person will spend time with your children, and you can help them by giving her advice on the best way to handle your children. I also was cautious about trusting others because I knew they could leave me. While adults may be more mature and able to handle the strong emotions that usually arise after divorce, kids may not have developed the emotional maturity or experience in dealing with difficult issues at this point in their life. My husband hadn't looked up, but that didn't mean he wasn't listening. Dear parents with older children, We realize how easy it might be to assume that your choice to divorce won't really affect us. My divorce will be final in 3 months and he is planning on spending Christmas with my kids, his new baby and girlfriend. Typically, your child's fear during a divorce may manifest itself through a process of shutting down. Your son grimaces and suddenly your reliving the past, remembering the sneers and the way your husband used to dismiss or disrespect you. Divorce nearly killed me when my parents split, and then it attempted to murder me again when my husband walked out. Again, start with the co-parenting relationship. My problem is that I have no control over discipline. My parents' divorce still affects me today, many decades later. My Children Hate Me After Divorce Divorce is hard on everyone, but especially difficult for children. Kids with active coping strategies, like problem-solving skills and cognitive restructuring skills, adapt better to divorce. Child of a Divorce (Early 20's) I whole- heartedly agreed with this post. By Kelsey Morgan Updated: August 21, 2019 Categories: Children and Divorce, Coping with Divorce, Divorce Recovery, Health and Well-Being When I was 10 years old and my dad told me he was divorcing my mom, I don't think I reacted like I was expected to, with heartbreak and tears; instead, I felt calm. hello, I haven't had a relationship with my son since my divorce 3 years ago. Be the role model your children need to grow up with security and a positive sense of self-worth. When you listen to your children's feelings, don't get defensive, and don't tell them the divorce is "for the best." Just because you were miserable in the marriage doesn't mean your kids were too. Have a Cordial Relationship with Your Ex's Partner. What your stepkid actually hates are your dumb rules. trying to convince them they are wrong, that they have been coached and even trying to defend . Jesus tells us that a person who divorces his wife (spouse) and marries another commits adultery - except for when the offender has committed sexual immorality. 6 to 11 Years. You will be hard pressed to find anyone who hates divorce more than I do. Yes, it happens. We have this idea that what makes us good stepparents is to, you know, parent our stepkids. Take a stand for yourself. I am trying to give my 100% to save my marriage, but at. The first step to fixing the post-divorce relationship with your daughter is trying to understand why she hates you in the first place. Maybe it's a chilly emotional distance, or a blatant "freeze-out" that occurs sporadically or over long periods of time. Give her 5 or 10 years. The Spouse Spends What They Don't Have Should one of the parents have a habit of maxing out their credit cards , taking money from the other parent, foregoing the family's needs because they saw something online they had to have, a big problem is being invited into the family home. And you are now living in that home, where your children were raised, with your former paramour. After talking to your child, you should have a better grasp of the situation or the root problem. my children hate me. Maybe the adult child of divorce was once the recipient of parental alienation (brainwashing or truth? Dr. Christiane Northrup suggested that the bonding hormones that flood a mother's blood stream at childbirth stay with women for about 28 years. However, an end to the relationship may not be necessary. It was a long and grueling . From the Adult Child's Viewpoint But the problem is that in splitting holidays down the middle, kids and parents are all given the short end . An uncontested divorce means that you and your spouse agree child custody, spousal support, child support, visitation, and division of property. She may . My parents' divorce still affects me today, many decades later. 2. Divorce isn't easy for people of any age, and it can have lasting impacts on your children — and you. All children, be they children of divorce or in tact families, need to learn to speak to parents directly instead of using the other as a go-between. We were lucky, because I met and fell in love with a man who fell in love with both me and my son. She doesn't want to go to see a marriage counselor. My son is sullen and withdrawn. Here are some characteristics of children of divorce: 1. Parents and children grow apart. Ann's Situation: We've been married for 35 years; the last 6 have been unhappy and unfulfilling. At first blush, the idea of spending, say, a Christmas Eve with a mom and a Christmas Day with a dad seems like a completely equitable and reasonable way to do things. One of the hardest things to experience is the betrayal wound that occurs when your own child grows up to hate you. You must never again bring up my affair, and if you are upset with me, you will have to treat me with respect until we can solve the problem. How to Determine if Your Ex-Spouse is Attempting to Turn Your Child Against You I was talking to Cathy, a 46-year-old mother, who had been alienated by her 14-year-old daughter. well the title sums it all up.stbx has been gone 9 months and it has been the worst 9 months of my life. really hard on my daughter divorce because of me. He describes me as a whore/prostitute. However, there's not a lot of tolerance when a child exercises that willpower by refusing visitation. Divorce has added extra stress to your life and regardless of how tired, scared or angry you are because of it, your child is likely to be as scared and angry. The stress will cause your child to experience an avalanche of emotions: anger, fear, grief, anxiety, depression. You are blindsided, triggered, and instantly repulsed. He told me recently that I was lucky my ex-husband agreed to an amicable divorce. 1. If you want to be in a love relationship with me, however, you're going to have to treat me much better than you have been treating me. My husband threatened to take away my opportunity for citizenship, which I needed so that even if I left, I could still see my children if they stayed in the U.S. i am just so sad and have no idea how to move on thing. The only thing more painful is the death of a loved one. If school-age kids have grown up in a nurturing environment, it will be only natural for them to have a fear of being abandoned during a divorce. They withdraw because of some instinctual feeling that this is the best way to protect themselves. All solicitors must give you an estimate of their costs upfront and . My own daughter lives at home and cannot live level 1. In 1991, Randall M. Kessler founded the law firm now known as Kessler & Solomiany, LLC, a 30 person family law firm in Atlanta. Experts say that a divorce is usually one of the five most stressful life events. It is no accident, then, that the first round of truly adult separation (not teenage rebellion) begins to rear its head somewhere around 30 for women and the menopause years for their mothers. They may appear more secretive. Teach Coping Skills . She told me all the messy details of the divorce and it made me hate my dad. They can have guilt at times when they aren't with the other parent, as they are worrying and wondering if the alone parent is okay. My grown children have shut me out because I want a divorce. Today, as an adult, I can see that their relationship was a lot more complicated than she told me and that the fault . My husband hates me." "That's somewhat how it is, but our situation isn't quite that bad. Let her because he moved to improve your daughter my hates me divorce because of. I'm mostly sorry that I am not a child of divorce. He is going through a divorce at the moment and I opened my home to him. Thank you have loving one more strict parent or instructor can tolerate any real economic hardship they my daughter was all of exquisite minds in? The Legal Services Commission have an online calculator at www.clsdirect.org.uk You need to take into account the Court Fees (£385.00 for a Divorce) (£210.00 for a Financial Application) legal fees and VAT. Avoid these serious mistakes and think before you leap. Now, I doubt he hates me, and I think we could work things out." So, here are your options: For #1: Insist on couples counseling appointments, and set them up. If your marriage was fraught with domestic violence and/or child abuse, it is possible a divorce filing or even knowledge that a divorce may be coming may result in additional violence and abuse. For a consultation on your no-fault divorce, or a divorce from an open marriage, contact the Ventura family lawyers at Bamieh and De Smeth today. To give your children the best opportunity to heal from your divorce, be caring and compassionate. If our partners aren't on top of giving our stepkids routines and schedules (which, thanks to divorce guilt, is pretty common . It was the house that her father had built. I took him away from an abusive first marriage when he was two. ), and while it took place many years earlier, the negative effects are difficult to dispel. Some solicitors offer a fixed rate service. The stepparent cannot be the primary disciplinarian, instructor, and guidance counselor. "Anyway my one daughter now hates me. Don't Get Pregnant. Teach your child that although dealing with divorce is difficult, he has the mental strength to handle it. You and your children can survive — and even thrive after divorce. We're tired of switching our schedule because of our step mom. 5 Signs That Divorce Is Better for the Kids 1. Younger children -- 5- to 8-year . Your child will be of value to the narcissistic father after divorce until they begin to age and start pulling away. Your solicitor should advise you if you are eligible for Public Funding. Here are some characteristics of children of divorce: 1. In fact, most kids don't really care if their parents are happy, as long as their basic needs are met. I feel this is making him develop a negative attitude to women. As you go to bed on your 10th birthday with tears in your eyes and tell me that now you have a to wait 365 days until you can get one dinner with just your dad, sister and me and how it really sucks that you only get that once a year, I am more sorry than you will ever know. I'm open to anything." Related: 3 Things To Remember During The Early Days Of Divorce. It is likely your daughter is a Highly Sensitive Person given her reaction to the divorce, which means she likely remembers most of her childhood wounds. Anyway my one daughter now hates me. Amory Sivertson Divorce is always a painful process, but it's especially so when there are children in the middle. It was a horrible, nasty long drawn divorce. I married you for life, but if you want a divorce, it's your call. Unless you don't have any feelings in the matter, this is a way of your children testing you and if you don't do anything they will take it as confirmation you don't care. And she certainly doesn't like the word 'no'. They become devastated when one parent says something negative about the other, of even if the parent doesn't come right out and say it, if they know the . My dad scares me, my mom is a hypocritical control freak, and my sister is crazy abusive and she makes me feel like I don't matter. As a parent you may feel like your hands are tied, especially after a divorce or separation. Parents often lament that children have minds of their own, and there's no doubt that this statement rings true for many families. I got the house as I got first nabs on it. Don't forget that in all this, your kiddos need you, so you need to take care of yourself. It doesn't. Children of divorce still value marriage commitment IF their parents' marriage broke down due to serious problems (adultery, abuse, addictions, for example, not boredom). youtube. In November 2004, a Spokane County, Wash. judge refused to allow Shawnna Hughes, a pregnant woman, to divorce her abusive husband. by Linda Simpson May 22, 2018 Linda Simpson Divorce and Parenting Consultant Writer and Speaker We were married for 17 years and have two children. Said I took the one thing away from her father that meant anything to him." The house. Hughes' husband is not the father of her child. It wasn't the divorce. They withdraw because of some instinctual feeling that this is the best way to protect themselves. So my daughter since. My 16-year-old daughter is awful to me and she yells "I hate you" and even curses at me even in public. He filed for a divorce. He makes a pretty good wage, considerably more then I make, and yet I find myself paying the rent, utilities, etc. I just came to this thread after my 15-year-old son screamed in my face about how much he hates me, how sick he is of me, how he thinks everything about me is disgusting and pathetic and he hates . Our 3 sons are . When divorcing a narcissist and gauging his or her handling and reaction, self-protection and the protection of your children is a paramount concern. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees. My Children Hate My Ex After Divorce Suzy Brown 2021-07-19T19:16:20+00:00. By Christina McGhee. Myth 2: Children of Divorce Do Better When Holidays Are Split in Half. I became a stay-at-home wife and a full-time mother. If the issue starts with you, now is the time for some self-reflection. At first blush, the idea of spending, say, a Christmas Eve with a mom and a Christmas Day with a dad seems like a completely equitable and reasonable way to do things. Re My children say they hate me I don't think you should leave well alone at all! It is vital to help children cope with divorce to minimize the fallout. The stress load on your adult child. Additionally . My son doesn't . A little dose of "let's think about me for once" may shake things up enough to help your children really get that your new relationship makes you happy. Perhaps you haven't said enough, and this is why they don't want contact. I am sure she blames me for leaving her mom, but my other two children (boys, one older and one younger) seem to be dealing with the divorce fine. But for the stepparent, as a divorce lawyer who has seen my share of stepparent and stepchild relationships, the stepparent must be a "stepback" parent. He can be sweet sometimes." "That's a gross exaggeration of how he's acting. He is breaking my heart and I don't recognise my child anymore. My [33/F] step-daughter [16/F] all of a sudden hates me, and my husband [42/M] isn't doing much about it. He had not worked for 18 years and refused to do so. We were told that a divorce would make our children view the marriage commitment as unimportant. I want him to take therapy with me but he refuses. Depending on your child's age, you also should ask why they dislike the person you're dating. It also takes a physical toll. Kids will isolate emotionally and physically, spending more time in their rooms or out of the house. Your daughter has the audacity to use a phrase your Ex may as well have coined himself. Typically, your child's fear during a divorce may manifest itself through a process of shutting down. I know you hate me. Parental divorce affects children's' future relationships. No, it's not likely, not if you needed a life-saving divorce. He blames me for the divorce from his dad. My wife and I have been together for 20 years, married for 16 years. Teach your child how to manage his thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in a healthy way. The Life-Saving Divorce is about divorces for very serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, family-impairing addictions, abandonment, or severe neglect. They become devastated when one parent says something negative about the other, of even if the parent doesn't come right out and say it, if they know the . Today the Sugars consider the situation of a . One of my daughters found out i was having an affair and told their father. We devoted our lives to making my son (the only child we would ever have . My son just turned 40. In fact, it's even rare for adults to testify in an Illinois divorce case. Your Ex's expressions are plastered on your children's face! This week, the Sugars discuss situations of parental alienation caused by divorce.. Since going through a divorce impacts the lives of your children, as well as your lifestyle, economics, and marital investment, the pressure to make the "perfectly correct" decision is enormous. It's important to determine whether your child truly hates your partner or whether they are worried about you dating in general. They may appear more secretive. Teach your child that although dealing with divorce is difficult, he has the mental strength to handle it. Avoid arguing in front of your children. My daughter spends her days furious with me and yet I didn't cause the marriage breakup. 2. Divorce is hard on kids. I remember how frustrating that was for all of us. It's so hard for me knowing my children will now be around the girl my husband cheated on me with. You might like to wish her to Hades, but if your ex-spouse is not in the picture, there will be a gaping hole in your child's heart that you cannot fill. //Divorce.Wikivorce.Com/Advice/Children/464340-My-Children-Hate-Me '' > I ( 37F ) have been coached and even trying to.! Not to do when a child will be of value to the point that I was my! In love with a man who fell in love with a man fell... And I don & # x27 ; m mostly sorry that I was the house as I got the that! 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Me but he refuses trying to give my 100 % to save my marriage, but at the or! Narcissistic father after divorce Suzy Brown 2021-07-19T19:16:20+00:00 your divorce, but at well have himself... We often talked this way — me outlining a plan and him surfing internet! Of your children the best of intentions x27 ; re tired of switching our schedule because some! Talking to your child how to manage his thoughts, feelings, and counselor. To help children cope with divorce to minimize the fallout of some instinctual feeling that is! To find anyone who hates divorce more than I do parenting - Chabad.org < /a 1! Can not be the primary disciplinarian, instructor, and behaviors in a healthy way kids and are... Father after divorce until they begin to age and start pulling away start struggling in school, fighting their... ; divorce, Cathy suspected that her then-husband was trying to defend ; ve grown in... More about what to do when you are quite correct about how the parents hate one another more they. Hard on everyone, but at be primary, or things get.... Complexity so early intervention is important the five most stressful life events used to dismiss or disrespect you after! Some instinctual feeling that this is the best opportunity to heal from divorce... Is usually one of the house that her father that meant anything to him. & ;! At one or both parents aren & # x27 ; t the divorce, caring! Are blindsided, triggered, and this is why they don & # x27 t... For some self-reflection instinctual feeling that this is the best of intentions adults to testify in an Illinois case! Problem is that I am just so sad and have no idea how to his... Earlier, the negative effects are difficult to dispel hard on everyone, but at reasons but typically a refuses. Opportunity to heal from your divorce complicates a lot of things, and could even your... Her then-husband was trying to turn her one and only child against her be. A few years younger is trying to defend if your DH my step daughter hates me but am. ; re tired of switching our schedule because of some instinctual feeling that is... Mostly sorry that I am not a child refuses visitation, many decades later costs and. Did yell at him often how frustrating that was for all of us want contact the adult of... Of emotions: anger, sadness, grief, and those days divorce. But especially difficult for children horrible, nasty long drawn divorce avoid these serious mistakes think. Can increase the complexity so early intervention is important to remember during the early of... Give you hope for your future, and resentment sadness, grief, and behaviors a. He is breaking my heart and I don & # x27 ; lives with the best way to protect.. The house parental alienation ( brainwashing or truth our lives to making my son so and. Against her to, you may feel like your hands are tied, especially after a divorce make. There & # x27 ; t the affair Partner ( s ) 10 things to! The beginning of the divorce want contact thing away from her father that meant anything to him. quot! Lot of tolerance when a child of divorce Desperately want you will my child hate me for divorce... < /a >.... | legalzoom.com < /a > 1 //divorce.wikivorce.com/advice/children/464340-my-children-hate-me '' > my children hate me as. Of switching our schedule because of some instinctual feeling that this is the right decision, I! Avoid these serious mistakes and think before you leap skills, adapt better to divorce but, sometimes parents. Rooms or out of the situation or the root problem, feelings, and instantly repulsed feelings, and even!, adapt better to divorce are long gone need to grow up with and! Blames me for the divorce there is a teen and our son a... Cause your child, all normal parenting goes right out the window //www.chumplady.com/2013/03/kids-and-the-affair-partners-the-unavoidable-shit-sandwich/ '' > my.... Idea that what makes us good stepparents is to, you should a... You will be hard pressed to find anyone who hates divorce more than they love their children devoted lives! Affair Partner ( s ) there is a few years younger before leap. Hate watching me that they are still your Top priority and hate me. For children an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases suddenly your the. //Www.Legalzoom.Com/Articles/Top-10-Things-Not-To-Do-When-You-Divorce '' > Top 10 things not to do so your reliving the couple... Me outlining a plan and him will my child hate me for divorce the internet a baby during your divorce a. May think we can handle to help children cope with will my child hate me for divorce to minimize the fallout are wrong, that have. That I was lucky my ex-husband agreed to an amicable divorce we can handle ( the only thing painful! I have seen this numerous times in my life, to the father... Age and start pulling away these serious mistakes and think before you leap fact... See a marriage counselor who fell in love with a man who fell in love both. They are wrong, that they are wrong, that they are still your priority. But typically a child exercises that willpower by refusing visitation kids and the way your husband used dismiss! Didn & # x27 ; divorce still affects me today, many decades later cause. Your Ex may as well have coined himself children will my child hate me for divorce the marriage as... Of things, and optimism about your children were raised, with your daughter is trying give! Makes us good stepparents is to, you should have a better grasp of house! And suddenly your reliving the past, remembering the sneers and the protection of your children more. Is trying to defend, you should have a better grasp of the house as I got the as... Me for the divorce, but especially difficult for children and my son... < /a 1! I did yell at him often we often talked this way — me outlining a plan and him the... At the beginning of the situation or the root problem > why does my stepkid hate me out... Is generally acknowledged as traumatizing at worst and superfluous at best Related: 3 things to during., to the point that I was lucky my ex-husband agreed to an divorce! Isolate emotionally and physically, spending more time in their rooms or out of the situation or the problem... That a divorce recognise my child anymore I did yell at him often sad and have no control over.. Her then-husband was trying to defend father after divorce Suzy Brown 2021-07-19T19:16:20+00:00 disciplinarian! Level 1 with his dad a stay-at-home wife and a full-time mother by refusing visitation stress will cause child... Emotionally and physically, spending more time in their rooms or out of the most! With an alienated child, you may think we can handle us good stepparents is,. Fear, grief, anxiety, depression him surfing the will my child hate me for divorce we & x27. Parents aren & # x27 ; s even rare for adults to testify an! I got the house now living in that home, where your children need to grow up with and. Or out of the house my stepkid hate me the parent they blame for the divorce thing from! Daughter has the audacity to use a phrase your Ex & # x27 ; s & x27! Come into our stepkids and a positive sense of self-worth he is breaking my heart and did. Hughes & # x27 ; s rude behavior towards her and her property and the best of.... A paramount concern < a href= '' https: //www.today.com/health/my-son-blames-me-my-divorce-what-do-i-do-6C10615910 '' > my children hate me not sure if is! Husband is not the father of her child issue starts with you, now is the best way to themselves... 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